Approximately thirty minutes to eight o'clock in the first morning of my most favorite month of the year, I am writing this. In terms of sharing my thoughts to possibly my future self who often seeks past blog post when in doubt, and sharing this to some people who might read this.
This year, June seems as special as my previous eighteen Junes I've had. All of my dearest high school friends will be home for the summer. I have imagined sitting in coffee shops like the old times, throwing old jokes, having old conversations, laughing about the past, sleeping overs, and other stuff I used to do. Now that I think about it, I have never actually gotten over high school. But that's okay, I figured.
Last night, I slept over a friend's new place. It was a great day yesterday. I had some inspiring interviews for my journalism final assignments that leads to a very interesting conversations and a good time spent with some friends. Then the girls spent the night together, talking about things that bothered our mind. I wasn't feeling sad or anything that day. My mood felt okay. But then I saw that line you tweet, and I was like damn, I really like you but hey so you're not the one. It saddened me for a while, and I talked about it with the girls. Sharing, turned out to be not so bad. I am the kind of person who is very introvert about most of my deeply personal feelings. I used to be easy until I had some rough lesson about not trusting people. But you can only keep some feelings alone only until you find a time where it is fine for some matters to be shared. It was embarrassing, almost like I'm stripping myself. But I felt better. So thats okay, I figured.
I also made some tough choices, one of them something that has to do with my education. Pros and cons. Pluses and minuses. But the time I made the decision, I just kind of jumped into it. Pros and cons, those pluses and minuses didn't really matter. If people say follow your heart, I honestly couldn't figured out most of the goddamn time what my heart really wants. So it was probably intuition, probably just oh-what-the-hell, probably just a faith. Faith that things work out even if you don't do anything. The thing about choices are, there are no bad options. It's true.
I don't know, but now I feel like I am in a transition stage. Some matters in the past still bothered me, as well as some matters I am having in the present time. But facing new options I'm having now-- new challenges, new choices, new problems, new crush (which didn't work *clears throat), have made me realized this thing: that they are telling me I'm on the next level in life right now. Some days I kinda say to my self "I don't need another bullshit in my life, I am tired" but I don't know, maybe I do. Life is not getting easier we all aware of that yes, so people are supposed to get along with it anyway. Instead of swimming in old times, reflecting, projecting, sulking in misery, people are forced to face new challenges. Moving forward. Facing new disturbing shits, but that's okay, I figured.
I am feeling at ease now, more relaxed. Lately, the universe seemed to tell me that life is a puzzle piece. A whole lot of pieces to figured out. Some pieces just instantly match perfectly, easily. Some takes a little more while, but still figuratively easy. Some pieces look like they're going to match, but no they're not made to click to each other. You can't seem to force them to fit, makes you think "shit, this don't fit"
But that's okay, you figured.
Because you know that puzzle has a perfect, perfect match. You know that in the end, the whole picture is gonna look damn great, you're gonna frame it on top of your bed and brag to everyone that you finished it. (Unless, you're careless enough to loose some pieces, I guess)
8 o'clock sharp. Have a great month, my friends. Cheers to June and positivity. I feel a bit intuitive already, ha. I am going to start being productive and jog. Hopefully I find some daisies to make daisy-chains with today. Love, R.